"I already know why this happens to me." It's one of the most common phrases at the start of a coaching process, and it almost always comes with frustration: the person understood the origin of a pattern —an upbringing, a specific experience, a family habit— but keeps repeating it anyway. Understanding where something comes from isn't enough to change it. That happens in the present, not in the past.
The past can no longer be changed, but it's still acting
A past event doesn't change: it already happened. What can change is the interpretation you made of that event, and that interpretation —turned into an automatic judgment— is what's still operating today, every time you avoid a conversation, put off a decision, or repeat a way of relating to others that no longer serves you. It's not the past that limits you: it's the judgment still alive in the present.
What "taking the present" means in ontological coaching
In the Ontology of Language, the breakdown —the starting point of any coaching process— always happens now. You can analyze the past to understand a pattern, but real change work happens by observing what you're doing (or avoiding doing) today, and designing a different action from that specific situation. Taking the present isn't "living in the moment" in a new-age sense: it's leaving behind a script written years ago and running on autopilot.
It's not the past that limits you today. It's the judgment still alive, acting in your present.
The common mistake: waiting to feel ready before acting
A frequent trap is postponing action until you "feel prepared" or "have more confidence" —as if confidence came before action, not the other way around. In practice it's often the opposite: concrete, sustained action over time is what builds a new way of seeing yourself. Waiting for the ideal mood to act is, often, the most comfortable way of not acting at all.
Breakdown: the interruption of the habitual flow of action. It doesn't take a crisis for one to exist —a pending conversation or a decision that keeps repeating without resolution is enough.
How this is worked in session
The starting point isn't the person's past, but the present situation they bring to the 1:1 coaching session: a postponed decision, an avoided conversation, a pattern that keeps repeating in how they relate to others. From there, the automatic judgment sustaining that repetition is identified, and concrete —not generic— actions are designed to move it. The past may show up as context, but it's never where the process gets resolved.
Frequently asked questions
It doesn't mean ignoring the past or denying what happened. It means no longer acting on autopilot from judgments formed in the past, and instead designing new actions based on today's real situation.
Because understanding the origin of a pattern is one step, but it doesn't by itself change the observer you are today. Real change requires designing and sustaining different actions in the present, not just understanding the past.
No. Ontological coaching works forward, from the present breakdown. If there's a wound or a past process that requires deep processing, that calls for psychological support, not coaching.
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